Musculosenioritis

[muhs-kyuh-loh-seen-yawr-eye-tis]

-noun Pathology

soreness and weakness of the muscles, generally following athletic physical exertions reminiscent of the sufferer’s younger days; typically accompanied by the onset of stiffness and reduced ambulatory mobility during the 24-72 hours following the cessation of athletic activities.

[origin: August 4-13, 2008; musculo- + senior + -itis]

I finally have a diagnosis.  Over the past few years, I’ve periodically suffered from a near-debilitating condition that results in great difficulty walking as well as moving from a sitting to a standing position; especially following prolonged periods of programming involving only the movement of my fingers and eyes.  Until today, nobody could tell me what it was I was suffering from.

This condition generally sets in after I compete in athletic events (soccer, in my case), where I run, jump, and otherwise exert myself as if I were still a strong, fit athlete younger than 24 years of age.  Alas, it has become increasingly apparent to me that this is no longer the case.  In my case, the breakthrough diagnosis came last night after the adult, co-ed soccer team I’m a member of completed our run at this year’s trophy.  We competed in 4 matches over a 4 day period last week, had the weekend off to ice and medicate our aches and pains, and then kicked off this week by competing in 2 more matches over the past 2 days.

As I sat on the sidelines after our loss last night, physically depleted and sapped of every last scrap of energy within me, I wondered what had brought me to this low point in my life.  What malady was it that I could feel setting in even as I sat there limp with fatigue?  What was it that caused such foreboding of what was to come this morning – a condition that I knew would worsen over the next few days as I sat here at my computer, typing lambda expressions and disassembling the contents of memory pointed to be the EIP register?  What was it that could cause such physical pain merely attempting to rise from my chair and walk upstairs to refill my coffee cup?

And then it came to me - a word that so perfectly describes the condition suffered by myself and so many other over-the-hill athletes around the world: musculosenioritis.

Yes, I finally have a name for my tormentor.  Like so many other afflictions, there is no known cure.  Some would point to studies that indicate the condition can be ameliorated by abstaining from athletic competition clearly suited to younger, more physically fit personnel.  But abstinance is no cure – it’s avoidance.  And I will always choose to face my challenges head on; without quitting.

And so I will take what comfort I can just knowing that my affliction now bears a name, and that I am not alone in my suffering.